THANKS for NOTHING and deliberately refusing not to help me do something you're being PAID to assist with.

today when zen called me, he asked me what i wanted to work on in ics.. i looked at the schedule on my computer desk because i write things i wanna work on in ics so i don't forget them. i said, "i wanna look at vehicles to buy so i can practice driving and i wanna look at more boston housing." then he replied on the phone, "uhh.. well, i don't know about the first thing but we can look at boston housing!" completely DISREGARDING my request for help looking at vehicles.. so i just said, "ok." then hung up the phone. a person makes ONE fucking mistake in their lives and they're fucked for life. it's NOT like I was driving the fucking vehicle drunk in my car accident- no.. the driver who WAS driving drunk HAS his fucking driver's license back.. he did at least 10 years ago- probably longer. i shouldn't have worn my damn seatbelt.. then i probably wouldn't have to deal with these issues of people refusing to help me do exactly what i AM capable of doing (since i've paid for behind-the-wheel driving lessons at least twice or three times and passed that damn knowledge test to get my permit at least FIVE fucking times my whole life) BECAUSE I'D BE DEAD. DON'T tell me i fuckin need to take lessons when i've paid for lessons at least two or three fucking times. IF I HAVE TO ASK MY FINANCIAL WORKER FOR PROOF- THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOUCH FOR ME HERE- I KNOW BRIAN (my previous trustee) WOULD. you dicks wonder why the fuck i have ptsd.. IT'S BECAUSE PRICKS LIKE YOU INTENTIONALLY MAKING IT DIFFICULT TO PROGRESS WITH MY LIFE BY SAYING I HAVE TO DO SHIT I'VE PROVEN I'VE DONE AT LEAST TWICE OR THREE FUCKING TIMES IN MY LIFE.. AT LEAST. these dicks of ics workers are partly to blame for my ptsd for their half-assed efforts to help me, knowing that if they gave their all to help me accomplish things- i wouldn't require their assistance and they'd have one less person to help.. THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS DAMN WORLD WHO NEED ASSISTANCE- WHY AREN'T YOU MORE WILLING TO HELP THEM?! do i just seem easier to take advantage of because of my LACK of advocacy? because whenever i get told i need to do something in order to get my goals accomplished- i always do what i need to. i'm PERSISTENT but i'm not paying for some driving lessons when i've been told i drive safely at least THREE times. they'll see what it's like to be vulnerable and require assistance to do them ONLY at the convenience of the person supposedly "helping" them. i remember zen and the other lead ics worker before him telling me they could help me get a vehicle and get my driver's license again a couple months (or a year maybe) ago.. what changed? they probably see they can take advantage of me since no one obviously listens to me since i'm still in this state. which is ALSO why i wanna move to the east coast because they have more available methods of transportation to get around and people ACTUALLY use them and don't scoff at others for using them. but no.. i'm expected to sit in my fucking apartment every day like a hermit and make the most of it since it's inconvenient for anyone to actually fucking help me get out and do things! it's days like these where i wish i would've died in the car accident i was involved in a little over 24 years ago. but hey! the good thing is you satisfied my family and other people who claim to care about me by making me struggle more!! get fucked.